my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize