I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
