i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
