i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
