I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Randomize
