Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
