hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
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