you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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