After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
