My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Randomize
