I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
