Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
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