he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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