I need help removing her.
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Randomize
