Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
