We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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