Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
