I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Randomize
