from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
