Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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