Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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