There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
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How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
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