Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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