next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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