In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
