you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
