I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Randomize
