I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
