Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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