I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
