I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
