spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I can't put those talents on a resume
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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