Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
