All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
