She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
