Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
