Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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