another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
