im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
