afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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