Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I should be sponsored by Trojan
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I'm having to shit out rocks
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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