you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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