Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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