Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
