it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Randomize
