wanna go halves on a baby?
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
