the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
