Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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