I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
i've created a new STD.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
