Swine flu. Run for my life!
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
