You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
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