i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize
