Pregnant stripper...not hot.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
