I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
