I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
