Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Randomize
