I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
