They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
they call him Oral-B. enough said
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Randomize
