this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
