you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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