so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
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