i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
