I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
