They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Randomize
