the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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