so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
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