i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
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