I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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