If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
