Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize
